bindingTempest

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bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Sun Aug 05, 2012 1:10 am

There's a young man standing in the middle of a mostly empty room. He appears indifferent about his surroundings, and yet it seems as though deep down inside he completely hates everyone and everything around him.

>Enter name.

Your name is and has always been DEMETRI TIBERIUS, and the very idea that you have had any other name in your 17 years of life is inconceivable and down right idiotic. This especially applies to any notion that your name has ever been anything along the lines of DEMENTED ZEALOT or HATEFUL BITCHBASTARD or any other stupid bullshit along that line, or any similar line for that matter!

>Stop being so angry.

Stop being angry! Stop being angry! You now realize you were wrong, the idea that you ever had another name was not the stupidest thing you've heard so far. The very notion of you calming down and "stop being so angry" is beyond any level of stupid ever achieve by even the most moronic of imbeciles you've ever encountered, and you've encountered plenty. Most people put themselves at a serious health risk for being so angry, you on the other hand, would put yourself at risk if you even think of letting go of your anger. Hate courses through your veins, it is your soul, your life-force, your everything.

>Contemplate your purpose for existing if all you are capable of feeling is anger.

Maybe you went a little overboard with your anger. You are actually able to calm down and enjoy life and all of its miracles. From the beauty of the sunrise, the calming spirit of nature, the feeling of freedom carried by the wind that just makes you want go run WILD IN THE WIND. You love planet Earth, you love your life and your family. You are also a devout MORMON, and though you are far from perfect, GOD knows you try, each and every day of your life.

"We all fall, each and everyday of our lives. What truly matters is whether we are able to pick ourselves up and keep fighting."
- Academy Award Winning Actor and international Man of Mystery, TOMMY WISEAU

Truly words to live by. You find true inner peace when reading scripture, or when you're in church. It's just that upon leaving the chapel, you find yourself full of aimless, platonic hatred towards all humans beings, including yourself at times. Your sense of JUSTICE is great, though you are severely lacking in your ability to display any form of compassion. It's there, and you truly want to reach out and help, though it usually comes out as a harsh stare, or a hardy "MAN-UP!" or a simple, "GO FUCK YOURSELF".



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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Sun Aug 05, 2012 2:31 pm

>Contemplate SBURB.

You remember getting everything ready to play SBURB and so you decide to finally start it up and see what it's all about. You have no idea what to expect , but you hope to go forth and play the game as efficiently as possible.

>Go play SBURB.

You decide to head over to your GAME ROOM to play some SBURB. You have a GAME ROOM since you like to keep your BEDROOM as empty as possible. The empty white walls help you relax and actually get some shut eye. While walking over to your GAME ROOM you encounter your dog, GINGER, who seems to be chewing one of your FATHER'S awesome TEMPLAR FIGURINES. Your FATHER has a wide assortment of HISTORICAL FIGURINES, the TEMPLAR FIGURINES are among your favorite.

>Get the TEMPLAR FIGURE from GINGER.

As you reach over to grab the FIGURINE, your dog growls at you, not wanting to give up the TEMPLAR. You quickly and decisively punch it in the snout to assert dominance. You are the ALPHA and your dog better remember that! Afterwards, you pet your dog. She completely destroyed the FIGURINE, but dogs are one of those things you can never truly hate. Except for Chihuahuas, but your are pretty sure they are all just sewer rats in disguise.

>Go to your GAME ROOM already!

You finally get to your GAME ROOM. Within your GAMEROOM lies one of your most sacred possessions, your COMPUTER. She isn't the best COMPUTER, but she can more than handle anything you want to play. Also in your room is a 52" inch TV with your PS3, as well as a huge assortment of poster on your walls.
Poster's from game such as RIFT, POKEMON, SKYRIM, DEMONS SOULS, KILLZONE and hanging above your computer, DOTA 2 and THE SECRET WORLD. You have completely forgotten what you came here for.

>Play some TSW.

You start playing some TSW and imminently hit up some dungeons with your Cabal mates. After powering through the dungeon at break-neck speed, smiting foes with BLOOD and BLADE. You almost meet an embarrassing end at the hands of the final boss because one of your friends decided to pester you at the most inopportune of times.

>Answer PC
show pesterlog:
-- propitiousCourier [PC] began pestering bindingTempest [BT] at --
PC: Game is starting soon. are you ready?
BT: >-=-=-<Damn it!-=-this almost got me killed in a boss battle!>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Whatever though-=-I'm fine>-=-=-<
PC: Alright. sorry about that, just be ready.
-- propitiousCourier [PC] ceased pestering bindingTempest [BT] at --

>Contemplate SBURB, again!

Though you found your friends message bothersome, it at least reminded you about SBURB. You log off TSW and look for your SBURB CDs. You eventually find them, both the player and the server CD. This leads you to wonder about the game. IF the game is intended to be played with a large group, why does it bring a server CD. Even if this is a BETA, the company responsible for the game should be hosting public servers. Unless players are suppose to organize them selves before ever playing, and then choose a dedicated host player. You think it would be best to discuss the game with your fellow players before starting anything up.

>Play DOTA 2

You start up STEAM and see that the game is updating, just then, you get pestered by someone. Finally, someone pesters you when you're not doing anything important!

>Answer DI

show pesterlog:
-- detestableIntellectual [DI] began pestering bindingTempest [BT] --
DI: Hello Dmitri
DI: Demitri
BT: >-=-=-<Hello>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<What's up?>-=-=-<
DI: I apologize for getting your name wrong.
DI: I just keep doing it
BT: >-=-=-<And it's Demetri btw-=-like Demetri Martin>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<It's ok>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<So-=-yeah-=-what's up?>-=-=-<
DI: My last name is like a Russian instrument so I keep spelling it the wrong way
DI: And nothing
DI: I'm just hanging out with my dog
BT: >-=-=-<How's Scrapper?>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<More importantly-=-does he still kick your ass?>-=-=-<
DI: Scrappy's fine. And only when I let him. I've gotten much better at dealing with his random attacks
DI: He says it's to prepare me
BT: >-=-=-<I'm telling you girl-=-punch him in the snout-=-assert your dominance>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<And-=-uh-=-he tells you>-=-=-<
DI: That didn't really follow through the last time you gave me that advice
DI: He talks Demetri, you know this
BT: >-=-=-<Cause you didn't want it-=-you wanted to be bellow him-=-dogs can sense that>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<And yeah-=-I forgot about> -=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<I just pass it off as a manifestation of some wierd fetish>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<But who am I to judge-=-I've lost track of all the-=-skeletons in my closet>-=-=-<
DI: You do have a lot of those
DI: Metaphorically and physically
BT: >-=-=-<But you're not suppose to know about those :)>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<ha-=-haha>-=-=-<
DI: Shot in the dark
BT: >-=-=-<HaHaHaHAHAHA>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<but-=-I digress-=-i guess>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<so-=-anything else?>-=-=-<
DI: I've always found your laughs demented
BT: >-=-=-<People usually do-=-don't know why>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<as I said-=-anything else to talk about girl>-=-=-<
DI: And there was something I was supposed to say, but Scrappy needs to use the computer, so if I remember what I need to say, I'll pass it along to him
BT: >-=-=-<that's cool i guess>-=-=-<
DI: Alright bye
-- detestableIntellectual [DI] ceased pestering bindingTempest [BT] at --

>Get pestered by RC

show pesterlog:
-- ravenousCanine [RC] began pestering bindingTempest [BT] at --
RC: Woof
BT: >-=-=-<Hello my good friend>-=-=-<
RC: Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof
RC: Ahwuuh
BT: >-=-=-<Yeah-=-I keep telling her to assedrt her self>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Guess she is just born to be a bottom bitch>-=-=-<
RC: Woof, woof, bark, bark
RC: So woof, wuff, wuf
RC: ?
BT: >-=-=-<Yeah-=-I'm still leaning towards socialist>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<but honestly-=-lets not discuss politics>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Things-=-get-=-off hand>-=-=-<
RC: I think correct vernacular is "out of"
BT: >-=-=-<I also think dogs aren't suppose to talk>-=-=-<
RC: And I asked you how your career was going, not political alingment
RC: Your basic barking is getting rusty
BT: >-=-=-<Don't try to seem innocent-=-Im not that good with bark>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<But i know what you said>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Anyways-=-like i said before-=-let's forget all of that>-=-=-<
RC: Ah. My bad, I meant to say <woof, wuf, wuff>
BT: >-=-=-<Anything else to report>-=-=-<
RC: Nothing
BT: >-=-=-<and see-=-told ya-=-but whatev>-=-=-<
RC: Felicia is being sophmoric again
RC: But she seems to be getting better at my training
BT: >-=-=-<That's what I like about her> -=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<I wish i was as well>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Thinhs would be so much easier>-=-=-<
RC: I suppose
BT: >-=-=-<bluh-=-things*>-=-=-<
RC: Anyway, she asked me to pass on a message
BT: >-=-=-<?>-=-=-<
RC: She says "you have the weird fetish"
RC: I assume that was a rather late comeback for something
BT: >-=-=-<Yeah-=-not so much a comeback-=-truth doesnt hurt>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<or at least it shouldn't>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<and it doesn't>-=-=-<
RC: Anyway, I have some important business to attend to
BT: >-=-=-<tell her what i said before wasn't meant to be an insult>-=-=-<
RC: I will
RC: In any case, I must be gong
BT: >-=-=-<well then-=-good bye>-=-=-<
-- ravenousCanine [RC] ceased pestering bindingTempest [BT] --


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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Sun Aug 05, 2012 8:50 pm

>Contemplate lunch

You feel kind of hungry and so you decide to eat before playing DOTA.

=====>

You make your way downstairs to your KITCHEN, passing by an extensive portion of your FATHER'S collection of WEAPONRY, which hangs on display on your house's walls. You eventually reach your KITCHEN and realize that neither your FATHER or your MOTHER are currently home, though it appears your MOTHER had already cooked up some STEAMED SALMON. Truly a great meal.

=====>

Upon returning to your room, you almost trip over your TELESCOPE. You go ahead and place your food on your COMPUTER DESK and walk over to your TELESCOPE.

=====>

You had forgotten all about this old thing. Your FATHER bought it for you when you where younger, as well as an extensive collection of books on ASTRONOMY and other similar topics, such as ASTROCARTOGRAPHY. As you place the TELESCOPE back into place, you notice an old FIGURINE your father had bought you.

>Examine OLD FIGURINE.

It's a very odd piece, depicting some form of ALIEN LIFE-FORM. The ALIEN LIFE-FORM displayed posses a truly INDESCRIBABLE ALIEN ANATOMY as if from some distant part of NON-EUCLIDEAN SPACE. You never understood why your father would buy you such a thing when you where only 7. You never found it scary or anything, but much rather, it invokes a strange feeling of DEJA VU.

>Go back to computer.

As you return to your computer, you notice that one of your friends that you haven't talked to in a long time is online.

>Pester WW

show pesterlog:
-- bindingTempest [BT] began pestering wonderWalrus [WW] at --
BT: >-=-=-<Jesus Christ!-=-you're finaly on bro>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<PC has been asking peeps about whether thay have the game or not>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<did you get yours?-=-=-<
WW: I haven't seen it just yet. Mail guy hasn't come yet. I mean, it's sunday. It's all coming together now.
WW: did you get yours?
BT: >-=-=-<I did-=-haven't done anything with it-=-the game comes with a server and a client CD>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<It would be best if we discuss how we are going to do this>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<like who is gonna be the main server and shit>-=-=-<
WW: Hmmm... server and client. Who's hosting?
WW: how about US?
WW: Hmmm
BT: >-=-=-<don;t know about that-=-she isn't much for computers-=-=-<
WW: or PC?
BT: >-=-=-<PC would be the guy to ask-=-=-<
WW: What the FUCK?
BT: >-=-=-<My machine can handle-=-but im in the dark as to how this game works-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<???>-=-=-<
WW: The postal service delivers on wednesdays now?
WW: AND SUNDAYS!?
WW: I just got a box.
BT: >-=-=-<Like through your window or something-=-cause you wheren't gone for long>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<You better sue some people for damages>-=-=-<
WW: Huh, bound together too. I dunno why they did this. It's a box with a crucifix necklace and two envelopes
WW: No sir. I'm in the living room right next to the front door
WW: Holy shit
WW: is that the SBURB logo?
WW: I think it is.
BT: >-=-=-<???-=-=-<
WW: GOTY
BT: >-=-=-<yup-=-the game is getting some serious hype>-=-=-<
WW: What the hellz
WW: wait
WW: how do I do this?
WW: I've got two envelopes, two CDs
BT: >-=-=-<One has to be the server-=-the other the client-=-=-<
WW: Yeah
WW: hmmmm
WW: I should talk to PC soon
WW: I forgot how to put CDs into this computer.
WW: BRB
BT: >-=-=-<maybe we could get a memo going to discuss the inner machinations of this enigmatic game>-=-=-<
WW: Good idear
BT: >-=-=-<k then-=-go ahead and ask him-=-I'll be waiting>-=-=-<
WW: PC ain't home or something
WW: What a cocksucker
WW: so dude
WW: what do?
BT: >-=-=-<About what exactly?-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<abou how to run the game?-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Or about the two CDs?-=-=-<
WW: yeah
WW: do I just install it like any other boring-ass game or does it involve some incredible and cryptic sequence in order to unlock its potential?
BT: >-=-=-<Not sure my self-=-my idea is we need to wait for everyone to get on>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Then we need to chose two individuals-=-to play the role of test server and test client>-=-=-<
WW: All these tests... I feel pressured and alone.
BT: >-=-=-<Base on the results their test yields-=-we should then be able to establish a Chain of command-=-if you will-=-as to how we should connect>-=-=-<
WW: yeah that sounds good, whatever the hell it means.
WW: Quick question
BT: >-=-=-<For now-=-considerring how hyped this game was-=-I should be able to find a guide-=-we can then follow the guide-=-so that we may then play this game at maximun efficiency-=-rather than stumbling around in the dark> -=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<yes?-=-=-<
WW: What's your fetch modus?
BT: >-=-=-<My dather got me a sweet modus pack for Christmas last year-=-I modded the STACK and QUEUE modi and formed a custom CHAIN MODUS>-=-=-<
WW: WACK
WW: I've just got queue :C
BT: >-=-=-<It's a useful modus-=-don't underestimate QUEUE>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<With practice-=-it can be a model for efficiency>-=-=-<
WW: Efficiency is a nice word for it.
BT: >-=-=-<speaking of which>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Have you finnaly chosen a STRIFE SPECIBUS?>-=-=-<
WW: durr
WW: stickkind
WW: what other kind of specifbus is there?
BT: >-=-=-<I believe PC is stickkind>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Maybe you can get some tips from him on using it>-=-=-<
WW: Hmmmm
WW: I'll have to bother him soon. Maybe when he gets back home.
WW: That guy needs a PDA
WW: he's always off doing something
WW: what about the rest of us?
WW: I BARELY LEAVE MY FUCKING ROOM! :C
BT: >-=-=-<I think you should consider changing your modus>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Did you equip the STICK into your STIFE SPECIBUS already-=- or are you considering it still>-=-=-<
WW: I've got it in my hand, man, it's beckoning
WW: i might have to talk it out with PC or DI
BT: >-=-=-<That would be for the best>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<I have all sorts of crazy shit in my house that you can STRIFE with>-=-=-<
WW: G2g for now, dud
WW: e
WW: I'll talk to you later about all this horseshit
WW: peace
BT: >-=-=-<bye>-=-=-<
-- bindingTempest [BT] ceased pestering wonderWalrus [WW] at --





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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Sun Aug 05, 2012 8:58 pm

>Play DOTA 2 already!

You finally start up DOTA 2 and get into a match. You have some fantastic matches as ENCHANTRESS where you kick some SERIOUS ASS. Though in the end, GABE NEWELL decides to play a cruel trick on you and you get paired up with BRAZILIANS. You then have what is possibly the worst match of your life! Many people would say it was merely chance. You however, know it was all the work of GABE NEWELL!


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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Sun Aug 05, 2012 11:27 pm

>Play Alchemist

A strange thought slips into your mind, and only a moment later you feel as if you're having a stroke. You manage to repel the stroke through willpower and anger. After having calmed down, relatively speaking, you remember the wise words of a great American in regards to suffering a stroke...

"HNNNNNNNNNNGG."
-America's 28th President, Woodrow Wilson, upon having a stroke

truly, words to live by! You go back to DOTA 2 and manage to find another match. As you are browsing through your personal favorites in the hero selection screen, the thought slips back into your head. You then accidentally click the random button and end up getting Alchemist.

=====>

You then get off your seat and fall to your knees and scream to the Heavens on high.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABE!

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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Wed Aug 08, 2012 9:03 pm

>Demetri: Realize you're matched up against Russians.

Once the match starts, one of your opponents complains about their ping and asks if their playing on a EU server. After a small exchange, you realize the enemy team most likely a RUSSIAN PRE-MADE. When ever you've faced off against a EU pre-mades, they've put up a hell of a fight. Good, it's always better when they fight back.

>[i]Demetri: Realize you're also matched up with BraliliHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEs.

Oh God! NO! NO! IT CAN'T BE! NO! You can only hope you're playing with good players and not the HUMAN SCUM that crawls out of the ass-end of the FAVELAS.

=====>

After 10 minutes, and a beautiful 12-2 in favor of your opponents, it's one of the WORST MATCHES you've ever played.

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DAMN FAVELA SCUM!

>Demetri: Look outside window and breathe in the fresh air.

You, decide you've played enough VIDEO GAMES for now. You walk over to your window to see how the day is going. DARK CLOUDS cover the sky and the SUN is no where to be found . Looks like it's going to RAIN any second now, a truly beautiful day.

=====>

Considering the FANTASTIC WEATHER outside you go outside into your MOTHER'S GARDEN. Your MOTHER loves all manners of FLORA, and the garden she made in your backyard is truly breathtaking. She methodically arranges all the PLANTS in the garden into strange swirls and other strange designs. She claims that the layout of the FLOWERS are based on designs you used to scrawl on the walls of your house when you where younger, though you don't recall ever doing such a thing. At the exact center (emphasis on exact) of the garden stands a very oddly shaped tree. You're not sure what your mother did to it, but she somehow made the trunk of the tree grow in such a manner as to create an elliptical room, which she then filled with a GIANT PILLOW. You get into the tree and lay down on the pillow. It then starts to rain, and soon there after, the HOWLING OF THE WIND lulls you to sleep.

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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Thu Aug 09, 2012 12:42 am

>Demetri: commune with ???????

????:
You've never been able to remember your dreams
you remember the fear, but never of what
even now you can hardly sleep,
you can't ignore it
the mumbling
the whispers
our sweet, sordid lullaby
you've always loved it
since you where a child,
our child.

...a page to be torn
by the hand of life...

>Demetri: Tree gets struck by lightning.

You wake up with a scream as lightning strikes the tree. You stumble out of the tree, your arm cut open by a large splintered part of the trunk. Unable to get your footing, you hit the ground and mud seeps into the gash on your arm. The pain snaps you out of your drowsy state and you head into your house to treat the wound.

=====>

After patching your self up, you get the urge to message one of your friends.

>Demetri: Pester US.

Show Pesterlog:
-- bindingTempest [BT] began pestering unhingedSurgeon [US] at --
BT: >-=-=-<Minerva-=-you there?-=-=-<
US: Oh well, hello there BT!!
BT: >-=-=-<Look-=-let's not bother with any formalities>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Listen to me-=-and do as i said>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<I don't know the details>-=-=-<
US: Erm, I suppose that is negotiable...
BT: >-=-=-<but you cant afford to waste time>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<just fuck around with the game-=-figure out what you have to do>-=-=-<
US: I don't believe that I am wasting time is the problem
BT: >-=-=-<dont get distracted by any convo>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<good-=-good>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<keep it that way-=-=-<
US: And there is no need for such coarse language in me sir!
US: *with, not in
BT: >-=-=-<i know-=-i know>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<just please-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<both of you>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<be careful>-=-=-<
US: Well thank you for your concern BT
US: Very ever-vigilant of you ^_^
BT: >-=-=-<yeah>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<he>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<he-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<please be careful>-=-=-<
US: By the by BT, I do believe that I have never asked your name.
US: Oh drats!
BT: >-=-=-<name-=-Demetri>-=-=-<
US: Fair enough... Demetri
US: teehee..
-- unhingedSurgeon [US] ceased pestering bindingTempest [BT] --

=====>

After your conversation end, something else comes to mind.
"Mom...Dad..."
You feel a wave of regret wash over you, they left without you knowing.
You didn't get to say good-bye.


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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Thu Aug 09, 2012 7:07 pm

>Demetri: Get a massive headache.

Your regret is soon replaced by intense pain. You fall onto the floor, writhing in pain.

Voices begin to flood your mind. Your own screams drowned out by the noise.
You have no clue what it all means. Perhaps they are threats, or warnings, or maybe you've finally gone of the deep end. Maybe you were never sane to begin with. You don't know. You don't know what this has to do with him. What you do know is that shit is about to hit the cosmic fan, and you have nothing to go on but a gut feeling.


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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Thu Aug 09, 2012 7:45 pm

>Demetri: Pester SN.

Show Pesterlog:
-- bindingTempest [BT] began pestering skylarkNoise [SN] --
BT: >-=-=-<Hey dude-=-you there>-=-=-<
SN: yes
BT: >-=-=-<Haye to bother you-=-but i have to ask you something>-=-=-<
SN: go ahead
BT: >-=-=-<Do you-=-by any chance-=-know anything about this game?-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Any info-=-any gut feeling>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<I'm not asking for a source-=-I just wanna any and all info you may have>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<want*>-=-=-<
SN: well, since your being so specific i'll tell you that i think we're all gonna meet up thorugh this game
SN: like, irl
SN: and it might not end up being the rampuos we think it's gonna be
BT: >-=-=-<i see-=-anything else about this meeting>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<Perhaps-=-how to we get to that point>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<I hate to follow gut feelings-=-but i can't ignore this-=-shit is gonna hit the cosmic fan>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<That-=-or im just fucking insane>-=-=-<
SN: don't know. it's a bit hard to string things together. you just gotta be aware of the ending and stick with it.
SN: i'll go with the latter
SN: but that doesn't stop the former from being true
BT: >-=-=-<hehe-=-when you loose everything-=-all you can do is laugh>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<hahahahHAHA!>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<If you get any other feeling-=-or premonition>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<please contact me>-=-=-<
SN: will do. just don't forget. you're not alone in this.
SN: we got each other's backs, man.
BT: >-=-=-<btw-=-have you heard anything from DI>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<or WW>-=-=-<
SN: nothing really. she hasn't been on in a while.
SN: and i don't talk much to WW
BT: >-=-=-<k>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<I hope they're ok>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<i guess that's it for now>-=-=-<
SN: they'll be fine
BT: >-=-=-<Wait>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<actually-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<i have one more question>-=-=-<
SN: shoot
BT: >-=-=-<Is there anyone in perticular i should look out for-=-and is ther any one in specific looking out for me?>-=-=-<
SN: i can't say much on that...
SN: but
BT: >-=-=-<???>-=-=-<
SN: sorry about that.
SN: something wierd happened doutside.
BT: >-=-=-<What?>-=-=-<
SN: nothing to worry about.
SN: just know that Gabriels' got your back, just like everyone else's.
SN: gotta go investigate that sound.
SN: talk to ya later.
BT: >-=-=-<please>be careful>-=-=-<
SN: will do.
-- bindingTempest [BT] ceased pestering skylarkNoise [SN] --

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Re: bindingTempest

Post by descantCreature on Fri Aug 10, 2012 7:37 pm

>Demetri: Question the philosophy of naming children.

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Re: bindingTempest

Post by depravedNetworker on Fri Aug 10, 2012 8:31 pm

>Demetri: Stroke your e-peen.
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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Tue Aug 14, 2012 12:37 am

>Demetri: Search under your bed for snacks.

You need to relax, and so you head over to your room and jump onto your bed. You then reach under your bed for the little cooler you keep there. You have currently have a six pack of ginger ale and some Mounds stashed. You unwrap a pack of Mounds and get to munching.

>Demetri: Listen to some tunes.

You pull your iPhone out of your pocket and plug in your ear buds and get to listening. You put on HEROES by DAVID BOWIE and lay back and relax. Actually, before doing any of that, you turn on Peterchum on your phone just in case anyone need to pester you.
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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Wed Aug 15, 2012 10:42 pm

>Demetri: Pepare yourself!

You want to relax, you really do, but you can't help it. You must prepare! You have no clue what for though, but you have to prepare! You just have to!

=====>

First things first! You gather all of your SCRIPTURES and CAPTCHALOGUE them into LINK 6 of your SECOND CHAIN. You then grab your BUG OUT BAG and go into your ATTIC. You look through the survival gear you've stashed in your ATTIC and look for some EXTRA SUPPLIES. You find and take three MREs, a HATCHET, a SKINNING KNIFE, FIELD DRESSING SUPPLIES, a FLARE GUN, and three FLARES. You also grab 4 GAS CANISTERS, BATTERIES, COPPER WIRE, and a BAG OF THERMITE. You place everything in your BUG OUT BAG, except for the 4 GAS CANISTER. You then head towards the closet where your mother keeps the cleaning supplies.

=====>

Once you reach the closet, you grab a bottle of BLEACH and another of AMMONIA. You make your way to your basement and turn on your FATHER'S
AIR COMPRESSOR. You pull out your GAS MASK from your BUG OUT BAG and get to work! You fill each GAS CANISTER with some BLEACH and some AMMONIA then close them back up. You grab some DUCT TAPE and use it to seal the CANISTER and then you pressurize them. You pull the caps off some SPRAY CANS and use them on the GAS CANISTER, you can't let these babies go off on their own, just a whiff and you'll be throwing up your innards. Now that you have two more things to CAPTCHALOGUE, you place the BUG OUT BAG and the POSION GAS CANISTERS(4) in LINKS 5 and 7 respectively. All this gear is nice and all, but you still need to get your weapon, and so head back up stairs to your GAME ROOM.

=====>

Once there, you open the bottom right drawer of your COMPUTER DESK and pull out your 13 foot STEEL CHAIN.


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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Sun Aug 26, 2012 12:11 am

You place your STEEL CHAIN in your CHAINKIND slot of your STRIFE SPECIBUS.
You then get hit by some bad vibes; you need to get this show on the road. It seems like Minerva is online, you can probably get a lot done by acting as her server player, she already knows the game from acting as PCs server player.

Show Pesterlog:
-- bindingTempest [BT] began pestering unhingedSurgeon [US] --
BT: >-=-=-<Hey Minerva>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<How's it going-=-with the game and all?>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<When you can get back to me-=-please do>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<I'm worried about you>-=-=-<
-- unhingedSurgeon [US] ceased pestering bindingTempest [BT] --
BT: >-=-=-<the both of you>-=-=-<
-- bindingTempest [BT] ceased pestering unhingedSurgeon [US] --

Did you just...no, you couldn't have, and yet there it is. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! Right now is no time to worry about any of that though, you need to get this done! It seems like enrapturingRomantic is on.

Show Pesterlog:
-- bindingTempest [BT] began pestering enrapturingRomantic [ER] --
BT: >-=-=-<Hey bro>-=-=-<
ER: Sup
ER: Going well?
BT: >-=-=-<Shit is about to hit the cosmic fan>-=-=-<
ER: What do you mean
ER: ?
BT: >-=-=-<PC just messaged me-=-we need to get this show on the road>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<The game>-=-=-<
ER: Not sure who I'm doing it with
[11:53] BT: >-=-=-<Don't ask we why-=-but this game-=-there's some weird mojo comming from it>-=-=-<
ER: I was talking to SN about it but he needs 2% still
ER: Er- Mojo?
BT: >-=-=-<It's got a weird vide to it all>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<vibe*>-=-=-<
ER: I don't know what you mean. The only vibes I get are the ones from chicks.
ER: Are you sure you just don't lean towards software?
BT: >-=-=-<You don't wanna know what i lean towards bro>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<But in all seriousness>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<We need to get this show on your road>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<So-=-between you and me>-=-=-<
ER: ...Between us?
BT: >-=-=-<Who's gonna be ther host and who's gonna be server>-=-=-<
ER: Oh okay
ER: Dunno
ER: I'll flip a coint
ER: Heads server tails player
ER: Guess I'm the player.
BT: >-=-=-<Ok then>-=-=-<
ER: How the fuck does this work?
BT: >-=-=-<I'll start the server in 5-=-you connect-=-and besides that>-=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<no fucking idea>-=-=-<
ER: Okayziee
BT: >-=-=-<just make sure your ready-=-and ready to kick ass>-=-=-<
-- bindingTempest [BT] ceased pestering enrapturingRomantic [ER] --

You start up the server. Let's do this!
Refer to BT=====> ER
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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Thu Nov 29, 2012 12:10 am

Well time to get to work.
You look at the machines in your room, your attention drawn to the LATHE. There is another large machine next to the lathe with a valve at the base of a pipe, all of this over a large base. The third device is a large platform with a pedestal on one of the corners, a large mechanical arm overhanging. You turn the valve. The top of the pipe pops open expelling an orb of light and a dowel which shoots out and hits the ceiling . You catch the CRUXITE DOWEL and secure it on the LATHE, which cannot be manually operated, but seems to have a slot to enter an old punch card, like those used in old school programming. It's strange, however, there doesn't seem to be a keypunch to or any punch cards available, maybe Felicia missed something.

Show Pesterlog:
--- FILE UNAVAILABLE ---

Well, now that you have your PRE-PUNCHED CARD, it's time to get on with the show. You examine the card which displays what seems to be a d8 with an elongated bottom half. You place the CARD in the LATHE and activate it. The DOWEL is quickly carved out, the resulting TOTEM doesn't resemble the image on the card in anyway. Perhaps this is what the third machine is for. Maybe you're supposed to place the TOTEM on the pedestal?

Your thoughts quickly turn to the floating orb that flew out of the CRUXTRUDER. What purpose does it serve?

>Demetri: Consult Gabe.

Show Pesterlog:
-- bindingTempest [BT] began pestering propitiousCourier [PC] --
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
PC: Throw stuff at it and see what sticks.
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
BT: >-=-=-<'Cause I have some ideas-=-but-=-I don't know if I shoudl>>> -=-=-<
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
PC: I threw a deer and a picture of my grandpa at it. you know what i got? a cool grandpa with devil eyes.
PC: So, do what you feel.
-- bindingTempest [BT] ceased pestering propitiousCourier [PC] --

Well then, nothing to it but to do it! You rush over to your GAME ROOM and up to the shelf above your computer desk, grabbing the figures of ELESH NORN and SHEOLDRED from the Magic the Gathering TCG, and then head back to your room. You then attempt to push them into the orb, starting with ELESH NORN and SHEOLDRED immediately after. The orb then displays what seems like a combination of ELESH NORN's AND SHEOLDRED's heads. You then go forth and place the totem on the pedestal. The mechanical arm begins to move and then projects light through the totem, creating what appears like a cluster of floating polyhedrons. You reach out and grab a flower like hedron and examine it. It's beautiful, its structure resembling a lotus flower, with what seems like an infinite amount of faces, an infinite space within this bloom, like a microcosm in the palm of your hands. You don't understand why, but your heart begins to race, your body feels light, and then you crush the blossom, solely on impulse.

A strange feeling washes over you,
A blinding flash follows soon after,
and then, nothing.
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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Fri Nov 30, 2012 8:33 pm

The world comes back into focus, the polyhedron no longer in your hand.
Nothing seems to have change, though you can't be too sure, seems like too much work for nothing to have happened. As you walk out of your room you hear Ginger barking down stairs and rush over to her. She's barking up a storm, staring out the sliding glass door in the livingroom. You come up to the glass door and look out, the open sky now warped into an infinite abyss. It's eerie, yet suprisingly beautiful.


Last edited by bindingTempest on Tue Dec 11, 2012 9:58 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Sat Dec 01, 2012 2:15 pm

>Demetri: Look around your house.

You decide to look around your house, to see if anything else has changed and more importantly, to determine what your next course of action should be.

>Demetri: Go explore your backyard.

The first place that comes to mind is your backyard, whatever your next objective might be you can probably catch sight of it there. You signal Ginger to follow you. You feel it's far too dangerous to leave her alone, who knows what's now lurking in your home. It might be just pure paranoia, but no, something or someone is watching you (well, besides Felicia).


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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Sun Dec 02, 2012 9:58 pm

You walk towards the backdoor and stop mid way. You suppress your breathing in an attempt to pinpoint the source of an odd chitinous chatter.
The noise seems to be coming from within the walls. You put your ear to the wall, and realize that whatever is inside the wall is not alone. The noises are low, but you can still manage to pick up some more distant sources of chattering.

You get some proper footing and begin to wrap the chains around your fist. You then begin to prod the wall to find a spot without any support beams.

Bingo...
You bounce back on your toes and then lunge forward, punching a hole cleanly through the dry wall.

Immediately after doing so, the low chatter turns into what sounds like bleating deer, as several pairs of arms pop out of the wall.
Bizarre little beast soon burst from the wall. They're short in stature but extremely grotesque. Their bodies consisting of a large lower body, shaped much like an upside down chicken head coated in a black, lusterless metal. There are four thick spider like legs attached to it, with one pair sticking out from where the eyes of a chicken would be found and the second pair protruding from the back of the "head". Their upper body is long and narrow, with a mass of tubular, sinewy strands at its mid section. Their chest are covered by white armor plates which seem to fuse with the synthetic sinew of the beasts. Their arms are long and spindly, ending in what seems more like the claws of a bear rather then fingers. Resting upon their horrid figures are the heads of small stags, coated with the same lusterless metal.
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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Sat Feb 23, 2013 4:50 pm

It seems like these little buggers are a little ticked off, with you crashing their little party and all.

The nerve!

They make a mess in your house and now they think they have the right to get angry at you for stopping them! Well, right now there are two things you can do; either make them clean up the mess and fix your house up or you can just beat them to death.

>Demetri: STRIFE

You make your choice quickly, and being the reasonable gentleman that you are, you decide to beat them to death. It's only natural.

You lunge at the monster closest to you, your chain wrapped around your hands with about 3 feet of chain in between. The little freak tries to claw at you so you simply side step and wrap some chain around it's wrist and proceed to pull its body down. With some maneuvering you manage to wrap the chain around it's neck and one of it's legs. You hoist up the now incapacitated little imp and look at its little friends who seem a little confuse.

You dart forward once again, this time bringing down your improvise meteor hammer on the second imp, crushing it, then using your forward momentum you pivot on your right foot and strike down the last fuckhead with a horizontal blow.
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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Sat Feb 23, 2013 5:00 pm

>Demetri: Loot Time!

Hmm. It seems like they exploded into blueberry Gushers.

Fucking great!

Why couldn't they have exploded into something tastier, like mangoes, that would have been fucking amazing.

Soft, plump, juicy mangoes.

Well...now your hungry for some mango. Anyways, the little beast exploded into something called GRIST, which happen to look like Gushers. Anyways, you have no idea what they're for, maybe they're in-game currency? You should probably ask Felicia if she sees something different in the game's UI

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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Sun Feb 24, 2013 8:24 pm

>Demetri: Contact Felicia
Show Pesterlog:

-- bindingTempest [BT] began pestering detestableIntellectual [DI] --

BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
DI: Yes, unfortunately.
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
DI: No, I don't. I'm into movies, not video games, remember?
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
DI: What does this "grist" even look like? How am I supposed to help you figure out what it is if you don't tell me what you DO know?
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
DI: Hmm... Let's see if thee's anything on this silly display...
DI: Well, they seem to be attached to the things I can put down. They were worth 0 Gushers.
DI: On another note, these meteors are connected to the game? It ounds sillier than imagined.
DI: However, I did tell the Courier that I would find someone to get me in
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
DI: Why do you ask? Do you want to show me something? I'm not interested.
DI: There does seem to be one your roof, though
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
DI: It looks radioactive. You should go check it out.
DI: If all goes well, you'll get super powers.
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
DI: If all goes as planned, you'll die from radiation.
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
BT: >-=-=--=-=-<
-- bindingTempest [BT] ceased pestering detestableIntellectual [DI] --




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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Mon Feb 25, 2013 11:20 pm

>Demetri: Check out the roof.

You should probably climb up to the roof to see what Felicia was talking about. As of now, you have no idea what your purpose in the game is and whatever is on your roof might offer a clue. After all, games usually provide some form of tutorial through an NPC, and you don't see anything that might fit that role.

You make your way upstairs towards the hallway walk-in closet and encounter two more monsters along the way. Considering how easy these things are, you're probably in a tutorial area. Once you reach the closet you pull down the stairway to the attic and climb up, after that, you just open one of the windows and walk out onto the roof.
Mmm...the thing on your roof, it looks like a ghost. Upon closer inspection, you realize it has a large headpiece that resembles the image on that little ball of light from from earlier, the one you shove the Sheoldred and Elesh Norn into.

>Demtri: Talk to ghost thing.

You call out the thing trying to get it's attention.
It immediately turns around, as if it had been waiting for you to arrive for sometime, a strange little smile on what you assume to be its face.
It's lips as if speaking but you can't hear a thing. Taking note off this, the spirit darts towards you and begins to...wrap itself... around you...in some odd form of embrace. After a second or two of it getting "comfortable" and of you being far too freak out to do anything, you come face to face with it.

It...she has a rather beautiful voice. It still does nothing to calm you down.
You've been in some painfully uncomfortable situations, but this...this takes the fucking cake.


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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Tue Feb 26, 2013 10:46 pm

Show Pesterlog:
-- eleshDredsprite [ED] began pestering bindingTempest [BT] --
ELESHDREDSPRITE: My child!
ELESHDREDSPRITE: How have you been.
DEMETRI: Hehe...
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Is there a problem, child?
ELESHDREDSPRITE: You seem bothered.
DEMETRI: ...
ELESHDREDSPRITE: ...
DEMETRI: What the fuck are you?
ELESHDREDSPRITE: I am your guide, ELESHDREDSPRITE.
DEMETRI: Huh, would you look at that...I have a guide.
DEMETRI: ...
DEMETRI: Now...
DEMETRI: would you kindly...
DEMETRI: get the fuck of me!
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Hmm...what's wrong child.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: You seem so TENSE.
DEMETRI: No seriously...
DEMETRI: get the fuck off me.
DEMETRI: This is, in all seriousness, the most uncomfortable momment of my life.
DEMETRI: Please, get off me.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Fine.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Here I thought, MY little display of affection would make me a little more approachable.
DEMETRI: No.
DEMETRI: No it didn't.
DEMETRI: At all.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Well then, I apologize, MY sweet.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Now, I assume you are here to get some form of clarification in regards to the game.
DEMETRI: You know...
DEMETRI: you still haven't gotten off me.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Get used to it.
DEMETRI: Well...
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Well?
DEMETRI: Yes, I would like some clarification.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Well good, that IS what im here for, child.
DEMETRI: Ok...
DEMETRI: What am I here for.
DEMETRI: Where do I need to go.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Really, THOSE are your only questions?
DEMETRI: Well, I would ask why my house is in the middle of empty space, and all sorts of other insignificant questions, but...
ELESHDREDSPRITE: But what?
DEMETRI: Considering how a meteor was going to kill me if didn't get here on time...
DEMETRI: means that this game seems to value expediency, as do I.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Well then, my hero, this is The Medium, and your goal is to get up to that little portal in the sky.
DEMETRI: How do you suppose I do that?
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Well...
ELESHDREDSPRITE: I COULD help you, so you can be done with this as quickly as possible.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: However...
DEMETRI: However, it would be a cold day in Hell when you actually decide to help me.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: EXACTLY!
DEMETRI: Well, aren't you a bitch.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: I LOVE you too!
ELESHDREDSPRITE: I REALLY do!
DEMETRI: Um...
DEMETRI: So...
DEMETRI: You're supposed to be my guide, yet all you're doing is fucking with me.
DEMETRI: You really are a twisted little being.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Am I?
DEMETRI: Yes, you are! Actually, now that I think about it, shouldn't you be a little more menacing. Instead of just, perverse and annoying.
DEMETRI: Considering you're made from Elesh Norn and Sheoldred.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Doest that REALLY matter?
ELESHDREDSPRITE: If anything, be happy! If I'm truly such a twisted being, well that just means we're a PERFECT match - my sweet.
DEMETRI: Stop that. Just stop trying to fuck with me.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Maybe I will, maybe I wont
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Anyways, OUR love-hate relationship aside...
DEMETRI: Relationship?
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Yes, relationship, and It's going to stay "love-hate" until you can finally ADMIT that you love me.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Though, even if you stay angry at me, I'm sure we can still enjoy some hot, angry s...
DEMETRI: NO!
ELESHDREDSPRITE: But...
DEMETRI: NO!
DEMETRI: NO, just no.
DEMETRI: Please just stop, this is just getting out of hand.
DEMETRI: Just give me advice about the game.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Sigh.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Fine!
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Well, there isn't much I can do, everything you need is already at your disposal. You just need to be a good little ape; run around and mess with things, are all fleshies, namely simians supposed to be inquisitive? After you have the right tools at hand, the little girl helping you can probably get you up to the portal.
DEMETRI: Felicia can do that?
DEMETRI: Cool.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Yeah, sure. Now if you don't mind, I'LL go through the portal by MYSELF.
DEMETRI: You really are something else.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Well you did mix two complete oppisites to make me, so, abnormalities should have been expected.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: I mean, that longing for oneness I get from the White Robo-fascist.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Mixed with the perverse and manipulative nature that I get from that She-devil of Black, just mixes so beautifully and makes me.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Considering you're also the player I'm supposed to guide, and the most compatible match for me, it seems natural from me to hold such affection towards you.
DEMETRI: No it doesn't not. Not at all.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: As angry as you look, I KNOW you love me.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Anyways, I SHOULD get going.
DEMETRI: Yes! You should.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: I'm sorry I have to leave you honey.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: I KNOW you'll miss me.
DEMETRI: Oh, you're still here I thought you were heading out, to any where but here.
DEMETRI: Seriously, leave!
ELESHDREDSPRITE: TRANSPARENT. Tsk-tsk.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: You know, you really shouldn't be so rude to your BRIDE to be!
DEMETRI: P..pardon?
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Yes, BRIDE.
DEMETRI: You're just fucking with me again.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: Oh child, you seem nervous. Does the idea have you all HOT and BOTHERED?
DEMETRI: Oh, I'm BOTHERED alright.
DEMETRI: Now please go.
ELESHDREDSPRITE: hahahaHAHAHA!
ELESHDREDSPRITE: hahahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!
-- eleshDredsprite [ED] ceased pestering bindingTempest [BT] --

>Demetri:...Um.

Well...that happened. You feel...
violated.
It touched you...well...it looked like it touched you, but just phased through.
Nothing more then empty space, the mere thought makes your skin crawl.
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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Tue Mar 26, 2013 9:21 pm

>Demetri: Tinker Time

You get back into your home and head back to the machines, time to mess around!

>Demetri: Avoid getting beheaded

Wha-
and at that very moment you reflexively take a step back, narrowly avoiding certain death at the hands of a cleaver wielding imp that was probably thinking of giving you a Colombian necktie.

After recovering from the shock, you proceed to whip the little mongrel into grist.

Huh, you obtained the cleaverkind abstratus.
That's kind of co... oh god, they can use weapons!
Your dad has guns in the master closet, they're in a safe, but still if those things get a hold of them you're fucked! You grab the meat cleaver and get going.

>Demetri: Charge!

You got to get there quick! You come up to the bedroom door and open it as quietly as possible and look inside.

Oh no, there's already an imp inside the closet and it seems to be fidgeting with something. You sneak up behind the little creep and-

Ah! It's got a...
trumpet.

You smack it on the head with the cleaver and kill it.
You received the brasskind abstratus.

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Re: bindingTempest

Post by bindingTempest on Tue Mar 26, 2013 9:43 pm

>Demetri: 1 + 1 =

From what you've just witness, it seems like you can get any kind abstratus as long as the imps are wielding a weapon from that abstratus.

>Demetri: Exploit the system?

"The haft of the arrow had been feathered with one of the eagle's own plumes, we often give our enemies the means of our own destruction."
–Aesop


In other words, NO! Why on earth would you arm these little savages with weapons. Last time someone attempted something this stupid, they ended up releasing machete wielding chimps into the Congo.
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